Last week, I thought I lost my almost 2-year old daughter.
She woke up with a slight fever.
I laid her down on the couch next to me, gave her Tylenol, and figured I’d let her rest until the doctor’s office opened in 45 minutes. So, I settled in next to her with my laptop, thinking I’d get some work done while she slept.
As I looked over to check on her, she stared at me for a second, and then in an instant – her eyes rolled to the back of your head and she began to shake uncontrollably.
I sprang up in horror, scooped her into my arms and slide my finger in your mouth, scared that she would choke if I didn’t.
With no hands left to call 911, I ran into my apartment building’s hallway and screamed at the top of my lungs for help.
A neighbor from above came running down, and with one look at her screamed and ran back up to get his phone.
Helpless, I slide my back down the hallway wall and kept screaming help, hoping that someone with medical experience would come out.
In seconds, other neighbors emerged but none could do more than sit and stare in disbelief as her little body convulsed and I held her close praying that she wasn’t going to die.
Time slowed down, she stopped shaking, and instead passed out.
The police came, the ambulance arrived, I called my husband to tell him and we made our way to the hospital.
When we arrived, I was told she had a febrile seizure.
Apparently, these seizures are common in children 6 months to 6 years old. They are brought on by high fevers or fevers that rise very quickly.
Luckily, my daughter is totally fine but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that this was the scariest moment of my life. One, that I’m still trying to emotionally process and recover from.
With this happening so close to infant loss awareness month, I couldn’t help but contemplate the crippling pain that comes with losing a child. Whether that be in the first few weeks of pregnancy, or anytime thereafter.
Through my work with Expectful, I’ve learned that a loss, no matter how early on, is a loss.
On a weekly basis, women from all over the world reach out to me regarding a miscarriage, stillbirth, or termination of pregnancy, and no matter the label associated with the loss, they all express deep levels of grief, confusion and most disheartening – isolation.
This is why I’m proud to announce that in honor of Infant Loss Awareness month, Expectful has teamed up with Dr. Jessica Zucker – psychologist and creator of #IHadAMiscarriage campaign – to find out the internal struggles of pregnancy loss, what women can do to find comfort and how as a society, we can support infant loss by beginning to eliminate the shame and self-blame that accompanies it.
To support women further through the emotional side of pregnancy loss, with the help of a bereavement counselor Expectful has created meditations for loss. These guided meditations, along with Dr. Zucker’s interview are now live on our website here for you.
We hope this Pregnancy Loss page can be a place where women come to feel more connected to themselves, their partner, and their community.
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