If I close my eyes, I can still feel the excitement I felt when my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive. It was right after our wedding and we were eager with anticipation but naive to the idea that having a baby might not be as simple as we imagined.
I never considered that I wouldn’t be able to have a child. Coming from a family of seven children and having a mother who is one of nine, I was under the assumption that if I had any difficulty getting pregnant it would be that I wasn’t able to stop getting pregnant.
So, when I started getting hit with one negative pregnancy test after another, I couldn’t understand why. At first I was hopeful, but as time went on I started to question my ability to conceive. The possibility of not having children created a lot of anxiety for me. I started tracking my ovulation, insisted we switch to an optimal “trying to conceive” diet, and scheduling when we would have to hit the bedroom. When I look back now, I can see that when I picked up wanting to make a baby, I put down my relationship with my husband. He became a chess piece in a game I was trying to win and our relationship became one of my to-do lists which trumped enjoying one another.
WHEN I LOOK BACK NOW, I CAN SEE THAT WHEN I PICKED UP WANTING TO MAKE A BABY, I PUT DOWN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND.
One morning, I awoke early to take a pregnancy test. I had been experiencing some breast tenderness and had completely convinced myself that (yet again) I was pregnant. Alex was still in bed, unaware of what I was doing. When I got to the bathroom, I realized that there was no need for a test after-all. My period had decided to come instead. Even though I had been through this disappointment numerous times by then, there was something about this one that paralyzed me. As if in slow motion, I slid my back down the bathroom wall, held my knees into my chest, curled into a little ball and started silently sobbing, trying not to wake Alex.
Within a few moments, I felt Alex slide down that same wall, his arms wrap around me, his head lean into mine and his warm embrace surrounding my entire body. We stayed down there in complete silence, for what felt like hours. When my head did finally lift, it was met with Alex’s teary eyes looking back. It was the kind of moment where words don’t need to exist. It was enough that I knew just by looking into his eyes that he was feeling the same fear, uncertainty and worry that I was.
From that day forward, we turned back towards each other. We started laughing again, and we held space for one another like never before. We became a couple again, and together, we eventually we did make that baby.
After speaking with women who are trying to conceive on Expectful’s platform, I’ve learned that my relationship issues weren’t unique. Many women experience feeling disconnected from their partner during this time.
Once I realized how common these relationship problems were, I started to look for ways in which partners (or couples) can support one another. Below are three tools you can use to keep your relationship strong during your journey. I hope they help you to feel more connected to your partner and allow you to enjoy one another throughout this adventure.
We understand that growing your family while having a healthy and happy pregnancy and baby is probably a top priority for you right now.
We created Expectful to help you harness the power of your mind to have a healthy, happy pregnancy and baby.
All of our meditation content is based on interviews with many soon-to-be and new parents just like you, and is created with the help of licensed psychologists, hypnotherapists, and meditation experts. You can practice in just 5 minutes a day.