At Expectful, we’ve created a Safe Space for new moms and moms-to-be to share the good and the bad, the real and the raw. Every two weeks we’ll be asking a new question and publishing a selection of our community’s responses. To make sure you don’t miss it, subscribe to Expectful’s newsletter.
One of the constant refrains you hear when you’re pregnant is that having a baby will change you. But it’s hard to fully understand what this means or the unique ways that becoming a mom might scramble everything you’ve known about yourself until you’re in the thick of it. One day you look up and realize that you’re behaving in ways you don’t recognize.
Take Expectful editor Allison Tsai: from a young age, Allison was self-conscious about her body. She definitely wasn’t someone who was comfortable baring it all in public—until she gave birth. She remembers the postpartum day she looked up and realized she was in the pediatrician’s office completely topless with zero shame or second thoughts as she sought help with breastfeeding. While she is happily fully clothed with a four-year-old today, she now looks back and laughs at what she calls her “naked months.”
For our latest Safe Space story, we asked Expectful readers: what was the most out-of-character thing you found yourself doing as a brand-new mom? Did it change you forever or was it just one of those postpartum things? If their answers inspire you to share your own, you can still do that here.
Arden, 33:
The most out-of-character thing I found myself doing was deeply getting along with my mom. I love my mom, but she’s always gotten on my nerves big time. When she came to spend a week with me after my baby was born, we ended up sharing this deep connection that we’ve never had before. I was in tears when she left, and I miss her so much! I think this has been a forever change for me.
Kelsie, 29:
I used to be a bit of a push-over in relationships. A lot of times I’d be the jab of the joke, or have my kindness taken advantage of. But now someone is going to be looking at me to model how to be a good person. And I want them to be strong, brave, and always stick up for themselves. So, I have had to start doing that too. Immediately postpartum I may have gone a bit overboard (a lot overboard), but now I’m more mellow but still assertive. And I hope it stays for good!
Anonymous, 36:
Referring to myself in the third person as “momma.” I will catch myself and try to change it, but it hasn’t gone away.
Anonymous, 32:
When my daughter cried the first night we brought her home, I started to cry. I couldn’t stop until she did. I don’t know why I cried, whether it was because of her pain and being upset, or if it was because I didn’t know what to do or I was overwhelmed in the moment. As the weeks went on, when she cried I would tear up a little. The overall crying from me was just postpartum, but it was something I never expected to happen and couldn’t really explain.
Meredith, 38:
Needing to smell my baby’s head like I was starving and it was the most delicious meal of my life.
Anonymous, 34:
Letting my mother-in-law see my whole boob and nipples! I'm a very reserved person, and now I've had so many people see my breasts, including my MIL—and it's barely fazed me. I'm not sure if it's changed me forever, but I've surprised even myself.
Anonymous:
Brain fog. It has not gone away yet.
Anonymous, 31:
Losing my temper…on my baby. As in less than a year old. I had all this pressure on myself and him to do and succeed at certain things. There were days when we just weren’t meeting these *unreasonable* expectations, and I couldn’t handle it in those moments. I would have to set him down and walk away while he cried (or while I cried) and collect myself.
Anonymous, 35:
Catch throw up in my hands.
Anonymous, 30:
I impulsively joined a gym to “get fit” postpartum and lose the C-section belly. I have since gone almost every day, but not because I hate the way I look. Now, it’s because I love working out and feeling like a strong momma!
Anonymous, 35:
Smelling a baby's butt to check for poop. Definitely not going away for a while...
Anonymous, 32:
My 2-month-old was hungry while we were at the vet's office with our two dogs. I had timed the appointment so we could be home at least 20 minutes before it was time to feed her again, but she had other ideas. She started crying so loud and so much. I finally told the vet, “She's hungry and she's exclusively breastfed.” I undid the nursing bra right there and started feeding her.
The doctor was so understanding and let me have some privacy while she ran the tests we were there for. The poor young tech with her looked like she was terrified! I don't think she'd ever seen someone breastfeed before and she didn't know where to look when speaking to me. Prior to having a baby, I would have been mortified. But in that moment, my desire to keep my baby happy and healthy mattered more than a stranger's opinion.
