At Expectful, we’ve created a Safe Space for new moms and moms-to-be to share the good and the bad, the real and the raw. Because, let’s be honest, this shit is hard, beautiful, and terrifying—but it gets a little easier when we can share our truths and find support from others who’ve been through it, too. Every two weeks we’ll be asking a new question and publishing a selection of our community’s responses. To make sure you don’t miss it, sign up for Expectful’s newsletter.
There’s something about pregnancy that can really activate your Leslie Knope gene. You see those two pink lines and suddenly you’re over-researching and over-preparing for everything you possibly can.
You learn about all the symptoms that might rear up during pregnancy and what you can do about them (we’re looking at you, morning sickness, weird hip pains, and wild boob changes). You sign up for all the weekly emails to find out what’s going on with your baby this week—and what funny objects they most resemble. You research all the things—the many, many things—you and your baby will need as you settle into life together. And you put together the perfect nursery and the perfect roster of postpartum support.
But the one part of having a baby that is hard to wrap your mind around and that is hard to feel 100% prepared for is the actual having of the baby. The best thing you can do to get ready for labor: listen to the experiences and advice of other women who have been there and who have the C-section scars, contraction war stories, and sparkling love-filled eyes to prove it.
So, we asked Expectful readers: What was the biggest thing that surprised you about your labor and birth experience? If their answers inspire you to share your own, you can still do that here.
Jess, 39:
That the Labor and Delivery nurse was the one with me through all of my labor. My doctor was absolutely available, but not present the entire time (especially at the beginning). It makes total sense, since she had multiple patients in various stages of labor, but I never stopped to consider that the doctor would not be in the room the entire time I was pushing.
Arden, 33:
The biggest thing that surprised me about my labor and birth experience was what a contraction felt like for me. I didn’t feel anything in my abdomen or my uterus. I felt everything at my cervix and my low back. My contractions were also not very long, only 30 seconds or so and I didn’t really feel them until they were really close together. My other biggest surprise was what I thought was early labor was actually transition, so I didn’t know I was in labor until I was in transition and barely made it to the hospital in time to push.
Anonymous, 37:
How much the cervical exams and the balloon hurt during my induction. How chill and happy the actual birth was (after an epidural). It was downright peaceful.
Saidat, 43:
How exhausted I'd be after a C-section. I didn't labor so I wasn't expecting to be so tired!
Lori, 27:
I didn't really think through the "no eating solid food in case you have to have a C-section" rule my doctor had. I didn't eat breakfast before going in for my scheduled induction. After 24 hours without food and a full day of the intense workout of birth, I fainted. For my second time around, I will gladly accept the Jello cups and little juice drinks they offered me.
Suzanne, 31:
How much waiting is involved. It’s a slow process—bring entertainment!
Erin, 37:
HEMORRHOIDS 😩
Anonymous, 33:
How much of it I would have my eyes closed for. My delivery time was 2:08 a.m. so it was very late (early?) and I was getting sleepy. They made it a calm environment by dimming all the lights, and I was dizzy with the pushing. So, I basically kept my eyes closed for the whole thing. I wish I had seen more of the full process.
Kate, 31:
After laboring for about 8 hours, we were only slowly progressing. We started a very small pitocin drip to try to move things along. Suddenly, my baby’s heart rate dropped and all the nurses on the floor came rushing into my room in case of an emergency C-section. I had an epidural, so they flipped me onto my hands and knees and waited as the heart rate monitor slowly came back into a normal rhythm. Once it was back they all left the room as quickly as they had arrived. My husband and I discussed with our nurse that, while not our hope, a C-section may be what’s best for me and our child’s well being. Fast forward to hour 15 of labor and this situation of heart rate dropping and nurses rushing in happened another 6 times! Every time they flipped me over, waited for faster heart rate, and left the room. I was so appreciative of the nurses looking for patterns & listening to my wishes to avoid surgery, but I was beyond exhausted and finally fully dilated.
Then comes the REAL surprise—it’s time to push and it takes FOUR HOURS! Everyone talks about long labors and the pain of pushing, but nothing prepared me for the absolute marathon that comes after the already grueling labor experience. About 3 hours in I had to ask, ”How much longer do we think I’ll be pushing,” and the doctor answered, “Less time that you already have been.” After our daughter was born an hour later, I looked at my husband and actually said, “Maybe I would have been better off with the emergency C-section.”
Melissa, 31:
I was told I'd have to be induced a week early, and I knew this for weeks leading up to it, but no one mentioned until I got there and asked about an epidural that inductions are always typically 24-48 hours. I know labor can be long, but I didn't realize that inductions were pretty much guaranteed to be 24-48 hours.
Linda, 34:
That women in labor are only given TYLENOL and homeopathic suggestions to alleviate pain until we’ve excruciatingly labored far enough to be admitted to a hospital for the rest of labor and delivery. With all our modern medicine, have we really not discovered anything more effective yet? On the flip side, I 100% stand behind getting an epidural. The relief was instantaneous, and I had two wonderful births!
Bella, 32:
The shakes. I did all the research & was told all the things from family & friends, but seriously the shakes—not from being cold, but that I would have so much adrenaline running through my veins that I would shake so hard. And I couldn’t do anything to make it stop. Apparently, it’s totally normal.
Anonymous, 40:
I had to go in two weeks early for induction due to lack of amniotic fluid. One surprising part was that, due to the great epidural I had, the most painful part was honestly the blood pressure monitoring every 5-10 minutes. I HATED it. The fetal monitor was also terrible because it kept moving around. But the BP cuff was so painful, I literally told the anesthesiologist that was worse than the contractions. She was laughing, but I was not joking.
The other surprising part was that I was not expecting the extreme hot flashes that come after giving birth and progesterone and HCG start dropping precipitously and quickly. I thought the hospital was trying to boil me alive, I was SO hot. If there's a next time, I'm going to get more ice packs for my face than my crotch. (I did actually use some for my hot flashes.) But at least I'll know the flashes are coming. I felt like I was having menopause all at once in two days.
Anonymous, 36:
For both of my children, I’ve been very surprised by how long it takes for the hospital to get you checked in and set up. Both times it took HOURS. Additionally, my water broke with both of them, and it was shocking how neither time the nursing staff believed me. So they placed me in a “temporary” room to test my amniotic fluid while I’m going through ACTIVE labor. Crazy.
Anonymous, 40:
How quick and intense it was and how much I yelled!
Olivia, 35:
In my labor without an epidural, the pushing was the best part! The “ring of fire” was not at all as painful as I was told. Touching my baby’s crowning head was so so motivating! He was out in one push once I felt that head with my fingers!
Angel, 21:
How long it took. My baby was sunny side up and for some reason the nurses didn’t notice and do a bedside ultrasound until I had been in labor for FIVE DAYS. When I went in on my fifth day, one of the nurses noticed that my belly was shaped oddly during my contractions, and she said something along the lines of, “Hey, the way your belly looks when you’re contracting makes me think she might be facing upwards. Is it okay if we do a quick bedside ultrasound?” and I said yes, and sure enough there was my daughter looking right up at the ceiling. I was admitted about a half an hour later and by the next day at 2:22 a.m. she was out.
Christina, 35:
How traumatizing the pain & exhaustion of labor would be. I read the books, took the birth class, and listened to the birth stories and the pain was STILL so excruciating. I knew it would be bad but you really can't know until you've gone through it. Even now I have trouble describing it. The best analogy I've come up with is this: you know in movies when someone falls asleep at the wheel and they wake up to a semi-truck blaring its horn as they're blinded by the headlights. Contractions are the pain-equivalent of that—cramps so painful you can't see or hear. They take all your focus and energy and there's nothing like them.
Beth, 34:
When my first daughter was born, I had an unplanned C-section. The biggest thing that surprised me was that I didn’t know I would get very cold and shake uncontrollably for nearly an hour afterwards.
Mimi, 36:
The biggest thing that surprised me the most about labor and delivery is just how amazing and incredibly resilient the human body is. While I had an understanding of this beforehand, experiencing the process firsthand left me in utter awe. The surge of adrenaline my body generated to endure a 77-hour labor and navigate nearly the entirety of the fourth trimester is particularly astonishing to me.
