One of the fun things about being a parent is you kind of get to make up your own rules. As one mom explains in a trending TikTok video, there are a few things she really doesn't care about when raising tiny humans. She talks through her reasoning behind letting her kids use swear words in their house, teaching them to not automatically trust authority figures, and allowing them to stay home from school for mental health days. So, in the spirit of no Fs given, here is our list of things we just don’t care about as postpartum moms.
Having a Picture-Perfect, Uncluttered Home
Look, if we invited you over to our house to meet our newborn, consider yourself a member of our trusted inner circle. With that honor, you get a raw look into our new lives of trying to make sense of the sheer chaos that’s erupted in our home.
We’re exhausted, we’re learning how to take care of a baby who only knows how to express their displeasure in high-pitched shrieks. We’re still mentally and physically recovering from childbirth. Laundry is piling up, dishes are in the sink. The tidiness of our house is literally the least of our worries, so keep your judgments to yourself. (Or feel free to jump in and do the dishes at any time.)
What Anyone Thinks About How We Feed Our Baby
This one is for all the people out there who think they get a say in how we feed our own babies. Whether we breastfeed exclusively or we go with formula straight out of the gate, both options are completely healthy and nutritious—and more importantly, our decisions to make. We’re done with the narrative that there is one right way to nourish your baby, and we have zero patience for the side-eye. Trust us, we won’t comment on the nutritional content of your lunch, so no need to tell us your opinion of what’s in our baby’s bottle. (And just FYI, formula has all the nutrients necessary for a growing infant.)
And if you see us pulling out a boob at brunch to breastfeed, you can simply carry on eating your pancakes. Because we have the right to feed our baby and—gasp—go out and enjoy life at the same time.
The Needs of Any Other Adult Family Member
This sounds a little harsh, and it’s not that we don’t care about our partner’s needs, we just don’t have the capacity to take on all of their caretaking responsibilities right now. So, if you’re not used to making your own meals, it’s your time to show us what you can do in the kitchen. Used to having your undies freshly laundered and folded in your dresser? Gonna have to step into your adulting pants and figure out what it takes to have fresh drawers on the regular. We’re now a mom to a helpless little thing–we don’t have time to also be on mom duty for a capable, grown-ass adult.
Hurt Feelings From Politely Saying “No” to Visitors
We get it, you really want to see the baby. We love you, we want to see you soon, but respectfully, this isn't the right time. We are adjusting to a completely new life that doesn’t seem to exist on the same plane of reality as our old one. Emotions are high. We’re all crying at different points during the day, and sometimes all at once. Please don’t drop by unannounced, and don’t take it personally if we tell you we’re not up for visitors just yet. If you are feeling hurt by that, our answer is, sorry not sorry. We’re just trying to survive right now. See you in a few weeks, and don’t forget to bring snacks.
Wearing Anything Other Than a Mom Uniform
If you see us out and about on a neighborhood walk, please ignore greasy hair and the all-black joggers and t-shirt look that we most definitely wore yesterday. We’re navigating a body that doesn’t quite feel like our own. The one thing that feels good right now is grabbing something safe and comfortable to wear that we don’t have to think about (and preferably doesn’t show every spit-up stain). Black leggings and an oversized t-shirt will never be the hottest trend on the runway, but for this motherhood season of life? Groundbreaking.
If Our Baby Makes a Fuss in Public
A few places that a baby should not be: a late-night club, a Michelin-star restaurant, perhaps, a college party. Other than that, we are actually allowed to go out in the world and bring our babies with us. Sometimes babies cry because they’re hungry and they don’t care if you’re in the middle of the checkout line at Target. Other times we have no idea why the hell they’re crying, and nothing we do seems to calm them down. Trust us, nobody is more flustered about that than we are.
Still, we’re not going to apologize if our baby happens to cry in the vicinity of other people. Babies cry. Babies are allowed out in public. Therefore, sometimes babies cry in public. It’s simple—if it gets too loud or disruptive, we’ll leave. We’re really not trying to ruin your dinner at Applebees, we’re just trying to figure out how to exist in this brave new world of first-time parenthood. Because right now, that’s all we have time to care about.
