We’ve all seen it on social media: the perfectly put-together new mom looking utterly gorgeous as she sips her morning coffee—her angelic baby asleep in the moment’s “must-have” baby carrier. The mom gushing over how her 4-week-old magically sleeps through the night. Or even the mom who just loves breastfeeding so much. (Not to mention the ones who also make “healthy” cinnamon toast crunch cereal from scratch, but that’s another story). 

As a surprise to no one, a recent study found that these glamorized depictions of motherhood on Instagram and TikTok can make new moms feel pretty insecure. But for every unrealistic view into mom life, there are numerous accounts that dispel the myth that motherhood is all rainbows and sunshine and full nights of sleep. I might argue that these people actually help new moms feel seen (and inspire a healthy dose of snort-laughs) in those early days of motherhood, myself included. 

But how can you tell which accounts are giving it to you straight vs. the ones that are only showing you the highlight reel? We’re breaking down when to hit follow and when to click that mute button when you’re deep down the Insta #momlife and #MomTok rabbit hole. 

Mute: An influencer who never shows frustration or boredom with the new parent phase

It’s nice to see that motherhood can be great, and it is! But it’s equally important to feel like you’re not alone on your tough days. If you’ve been following someone for a while and all you ever see are matching outfits, giggling babies, and a permanent smile slapped across everyone’s faces, know that you’re probably not getting the full picture. If that doesn’t bother you, no need to mute, just scroll past on days that it’s a bit too much to bear. But if it’s getting you down, you have permission to let this influencer go. 

Instead, consider following someone who won’t shy away from the difficult moments. Enter Caitlin Murray @bigtimeadulting, who has been extremely vocal about her distaste for the early years of new parenthood. While her three kids are now a bit older (her youngest is 4), she often reflects back on the baby/toddler days, in one post writing, “Days taking care of little kids have the tendency to make time stand still - this is apparently what we should all be wishing for, but personally, it is SO hard for me to feel ‘in the moment’ with littles.”

She continues, “Part of that is burnout, and the other part of it is that I find babies and toddlers to be b-o-r-i-n-g. It is what it is…we love them to death, but it’s a lot like Groundhog Day. It’s exhausting and monotonous, but someone has to do it. Many women feel too guilty to say that ‘out loud’, but I firmly believe the difficulty of this job should be both more widely noted and ESPECIALLY more widely valued. My commitment to taking excellent care of my children is not because I love the role of being primary caregiver, it’s because I love them.”

I struggled deeply with anxiety during the first year of my son’s life, and I remember looking at people with older kids thinking, “I can’t wait to get there, it will be easier when we get there,” and then feeling guilty that I wasn’t enjoying the baby days the way I should have been. Seeing people like Caitlin name the feelings I was experiencing has made me feel less guilty about my own journey. For me—and maybe for you, too—every year just gets better and better.

Mute: The person who pretends they’ve gotten 9 hour-nights of sleep since bringing home their baby

This one is tough, because some babies are just better sleepers than others, and it’s not anyone’s fault. But if you are in the thick of multiple middle-of-the-night awakenings and you absolutely dread when the sun goes down, it can be hard to see someone else thriving through the four-month sleep regression and the hell that is toddler sleep. That’s why I love moms who show the nitty gritty of sleep deprivation, like Annalee Grace, who does almost nightly sign-offs from her daughters’ bedroom floor as she lays there while they fall asleep. She’s also been extremely open about her current troubles getting her toddler to sleep through the night. It’s refreshing, to say the least. 

When my son was a baby, he pretty much woke up screaming multiple times every night until about 9 months old. It was…rough. Following someone going through something similar helped balance out the plethora of baby sleep accounts I saw, which all have a way of making you feel like you’re doing something wrong. So, if you need someone to normalize the insanity that is kid sleep (her children are now 2 and 5), @annalee15 is the influencer for you. 

Mute: The mom who can’t admit to the relentless exhaustion that comes with being a new parent

Moms, being a parent is exhausting, and being a new parent is exhausting and overwhelming. Guess what? We’ve all felt that way at one point or another, so why not be real about it? This new mom job can be stressful, and you never really get a break from all the chaos, whether that’s the constant schedule-keeping, the feeding, the naps, the boundary-holding, the colds that come out of nowhere, the teething, the list goes on. This stuff is hard. I’m tired. I’ve been tired for almost four years. Thankfully, so has influencer DeAnna Bobbi, and she’s been making me laugh through the exhaustion since day one (her daughter is now 5). 

So, the next time your eyelids are fighting for their life to stay open after a particularly trying day in the new parenthood trenches, know that @theprettygirlsguide will be there to help you giggle about it later.

Mute: The influencer who makes it seem like the simple tasks are easy breezy all the time

If you have a baby who’s nearing toddlerhood, you quickly realize that things are changing rapidly. By “things” I mean your sweet baby seemingly turns into a little autocrat overnight. Personality starts bursting forth with gusto, and you’re left wondering where your cooing, smiley nugget went. When this happens, you can kiss the snuggly newborn goodbye, because you’ve now entered the stage where your baby is a real person who wants independence without any of the rationality or safety considerations that make independence a good idea. 

I remember the switch-over well. It started with diaper changes—which used to be a routine, in-and-out affair—turning into something more like a crocodile wrestling contest, where, even when I got the diaper on, I’m not sure if I won. The point is tasks that used to be easy, like changing a diaper or taking a walk, at some point turn into a whole to-do—something Taylor Wolfe @thedailytay nails in her hilarious posts about being a mom to her 3-year-old and almost 1-year-old. 

Mute: Literally anyone who doesn’t have a sense of humor about parenthood

There are some mom accounts that are just plain hard to figure out—are they parodies of motherhood or serious attempts at showing real life? If you truly can’t tell, it’s probably a sign to run in the other direction. Personally, I have no interest in being a Homemade Froot Loops Mom (plain old Cheerios are just fine for my kid), and some of these accounts just feel very performative and odd. If doing the most is your thing, absolutely no judgment—just remember there’s probably a lot more going on behind the scenes. 

That said, if you can’t laugh about the ridiculousness that comes with being a parent, you’re really missing out. My advice? Swap out the “perfect” momfluencers for the ones who will wear their bright pink robe and dance around in slightly unhinged, but always laugh-out-loud funny Instagram posts, like Soliana Sapp, who is not afraid to be silly, even when raising her three kids is hard.

And, if you’re currently pregnant and hoping to follow along with a fun pregnant couple, check out foodie influencers Zach and Tee. As a new mom, finding the social accounts that speak to you, make you laugh, and take you out of your exhaustion for a hot minute are the ones worth keeping. As for the rest? Don’t lose a minute of your precious sleep when clicking the unfollow button.